Recently, I saw a tweet that it said something along the lines of, "If you're friends with your former, you were never really in love."How do you think?You and I dated for a couple years in high school and college, and certainly, we were in love. First love, in fact. Our relationship was pretty serious — maybe not Noah and Allie(Protagonists of Nick Cassavetes's film 'The Notebook') next-level shirt, but serious all the same.
It's been a long time since our close relationship ended. Facts are facts — there's simply no way you can be buddies with a previous partner a week after you call it quits. Probably not even six months. Of course, it all depends on just how significant the relationship was. If it was a brief fling, it'll take much less time. If you were both head over heels, you'll have to hold out a couple years before either of you are ready to try shifting gears.Actually,I spent one year or even more.
You've found love with someone else since I left with resentment.At that time, I was heartbroken but it certainly helps for shedding any lingering feelings to purse other objects. While you've happened upon a worthwhile relationship with another person, it's a hell of a lot easier to give friendship a go with your former. Think about it — if the experiences you had with this person are the most recent romantic memories you have, you just won't be ready.
You've exhausted all possibilities of a future relationship.When my friend and I dated, we split upward of 3 times. Ahh, high school and the first year of college. Couldn't live with each other; couldn't live with anything. We did everything in our power to salvage our admittedly dramatic affair, but it simply wasn't meant to be — a fact we now acknowledge and accept.
And in the process of all those breakups, we totally exhausted the possibility of getting back together in the future. It's almost laughable just how hard we tried and, in turn, how epically we failed. Make no mistake, if there's room for a potential reuniting somewhere down the line, it'll be extra, extra difficult to be pals.
Neither one of you is an asshole.There's a jerk or two in my past whom I would never even consider chatting up — the idea is actually kind of nauseating.My friend, on the other hand, was and is a good person, so I don't feel the least bit ashamed of our relationship.
You have a good connection.Obviously, there has to have been some sort of spark between the two of you for companionship to even be plausible — otherwise, it'll fall awkwardly flat. I once dated one who was kind of a lame punk, and the idea of becoming chummy with him is so . . . meh. If during your relationship, you were able to discuss deep shirt like the concept of fate or what "eternity" means, the greater the potential friend.
You've both wholeheartedly moved on.The overarching theme of my advice is this — you must move on before you declare this person your new best friend. Period.
True, you'll always have the fond recollections of your relationship past. But leave them there, in your mind, where they exist nice and pretty. Friendship — and a good one, at that — is just as meaningful.And now, here we are, in our early 20s and total chums.Together, we came up with particular circumstances under which you can befriend your former — even if, at one point, you loved the one dearly.
评论